The Honeymoon Period Can Undermine Collaboration

This is something very validating that was shared with me by an amazing developer of people and relationship builder, who I helped to use DiSC for her whole school orientation:

"...two teachers, who have had a very successful co-teaching relationship for the past 2 years had a really honest conversation about both being S style. They found that they are both so accommodating that some things that have been bothering both of them had gone unaddressed and the DiSC tool enabled them to have an open and respectful conversation that they both felt good about."

This opportunity to improve an already great relationship only happened because a leader took it upon herself to help her colleagues think more deeply about their interpersonal relationships. It's hard to believe how much colleagues, especially colleagues with a great working relationship, don't share with each other. Yet, at the same time, many will claim to have a very collaborative relationship.

Transformative Collaboration is only possible when people are able to work interdependently to achieve a shared purpose. Cooperating effectively, or being very efficient and high functioning, doesn’t ensure transformative outcomes, especially when team members are afraid to share feedback with each other, for fear of upsetting the relationship.

Transformative collaboration is actually the result of upsetting the status quo and challenging assumptions and sharing critical feedback. Not negative feedback, but critical feedback. The type of feedback that broadens perspectives and helps colleagues to think more critically. Critical feedback is not negative. Critical feedback is most effective when colleagues have a high professional regard and trust for each other. Developing that rapport takes time and doesn’t develop by jumping into a project.

Why am I sharing this with you at this time of year? Well, this normally is the honeymoon period of any team. This is typically when people are least likely to challenge assumptions, propose new ideas and ask naïve questions…which unfortunately sets the tone for the entire year. Interestingly, what may seem like the most naïve question can often have the most profound influence.

Research indicates that if you don’t start demonstrating how to challenge ideas now, if you aren’t comfortable sharing critical feedback now, if you are afraid to ask your team seemingly naïve questions now…then odds are you won’t be able to later in the year, because, by that point team members have developed unchallenged assumptions about how the team should function and whom they can trust.

There is never enough time for purposeful relationship building, the kind that is explicitly for transformative collaboration. It is assumed teachers should be able to collaborate when called upon. Unfortunately, that is not true and realizing the outcomes of transformative collaboration doesn’t just organically happen. It requires explicit and purposeful actions.

So, if your goal is to transformatively collaborate with team members this year, then you need to start now. You need to make that intention explicit and make time to explore all of the interpersonal intricacies to effectively work interdependently. There is of course much more to it, but start the year by first acknowledging that collaboration isn’t easy. Then agree to wanting to work interdependently towards a shared purpose. Lastly, make time to facilitate some authentic activities to develop interpersonal awareness.